Eye Candy - Single in the City

*Disclaimer* This post may seem a tad bit contradictory, but allow me to explain...

Every woman loves to know her man thinks she is beautiful. We love compliments (and ladies, your man likes to hear you think he is attractive as well) - but as much as I love having my ego fed, I would love it even more if my man would also acknowledge my internal beauty - the essence of what makes me who I am.

 I have only had 5 boyfriends - and out of these 5 boys and men (since my relationships began when I was 14 - no digs at the men I was with at the time by calling them boys) only 1 man spoke on things like my kind heart, gracious attitude, pleasant disposition, and nurturing spirit.

Every other man focused on my looks and how I dressed - ALL THE TIME. I offered to cook for 1 of these men and he made the comment I am too cute to even know what to do in the kitchen. WHAT!!!! How insulting! I never offered to cook for him again and we simply ate out all the time when we were together - I didn't even feel the need to discredit his small minded theory.

My exes would want to take me around their friends and "parade" me constatnly - I get being proud of your woman, but I felt like they were proving something to their friends getting some sort of social status for "pulling me"or maybe even their friend's approval. There was no need for them to want me to join them when they hung out with their friends especially when everybody else left their women at home. Most times these men would get offended when I declined their invitations like I was their accessory they could not leave home without. (My friends and mother have even taken notice to this because this has even trickled down to the men I just dated and never committed to as well.)

This has left me wondering am I that shallow and focused on a man's looks that this is what I attract and I have decided NO, that is not the case because I have definitely dated men who weren't that attractive and I didn't particularly care for their style thinking they would treat me better than the "pretty" guys I typically fell for, but you know what?! Those men seemed to be even cockier and I always wondered where did the confidence come from - how could they really believe they were attractive or was this extra confidence their insecurities on full display?! But I will digress...

As a result of these experiences, I know without a doubt I cannot settle for a man who is so fixated on my appearance that they do not take the time to get to know the real me. Beauty is only skip deep and what I will value more in my next relationship are the man's morals, personality, his ability to have engaging/ thought provoking conversations, and us laughing...together. It is these things that will see us through trying times - NOT how attracted we are to each other.